5.5 Following Tragedy With Change

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I looked around the room. Everything looked the same as it had the day of the car accident, but everything was different now. I killed my father and just like The Accident, no one blamed me. Why was I always hurting people but not being blamed? Presents sat on the floor at the foot of my bed. I forgot I had had a birthday. A week ago Maya was planning her party and I was excited that I would finally be able to sit in on Resistance meetings.

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Maya slowly opened the door and stepped in. “Hey sissy.” She whispered, closing the door.

“Hey” I replied, moving towards my bed.

“Mom wants to see you upstairs.”

I nodded and slowly made my way across the house. It seemed darker without dad. As I got to my parents…no, to mom’s door, I paused.

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“She looks just like Keighlyn. I see it now more than ever.” I heard my mom saying. “It’s a bittersweet reminder but it doesn’t make me love her any less. I just hope she doesn’t blame herself for this like she did with Maya. She couldn’t have seen that werewolf. She couldn’t have stopped even if she had. They wanted him dead.” I heard a deep voice mutter something in reply but couldn’t pick out he words.

“I’m just glad you were able to make it to her in time. I don’t know what I would have done if I had lost them both. Thank you, Ezra.” She continued. Ezra? Who was that? I put my hand against the door and turn the nob. When I open it my mom is alone in her room.

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“Logan,” She said with a sad smile, “I’m glad you’re recovering so well.”

Her eyes held a haunted look. I looked like dad. I caused her pain not only for causing his death but for remaindering of her of him too. I would have to fix that.  I smiled back at her, knowing that if I let her know what I felt then she would just assure me it wasn’t my fault, making me feel more guilt.

“Who was in here just a second ago?” I asked, looking around.

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There was no one. My mother just continued to smile at me with that sad smile. Looking at her made my stomach clench. Just a week ago she had been happily in love and married to the man of her dreams. Now, because of me, he was gone. She could never kiss him, hug him, or wake up next to him again. She could never again hear his laugh.

“No one is in here.” She replied. I noticed how she said is not was but I didn’t push it. She had a right to keep secrets from me. I had killed her husband after all. I shrugged.

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“Is that all?” I asked. She leveled her eyes at me. They were full of so much pain; pain that I had caused by killing dad and by looking like him.

“Yes, dear. I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay. I love you.” She paused. “Honey, the next meeting is tomorrow.”

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I nodded and left the room, making my way to Spenser. I found her sitting in our room and I told her what I needed to do. Instead of arguing with my plan like anyone else would have she just grabbed her keys and took me out.

*******

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“Okay, open your eyes.” Spenser said, standing back and smiling at her handy work. “You can come in now.” She called.

I watched Maya and Silven come in and stand before me. Their faces held shock. I was nervous. Had Spenser ruined it? Did the dye not take? Was my plan completely botched?

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“Oh my, sissy.” Maya whispered. Silven had used the spell I had made to allow Maya to see through the caster’s eyes. We weren’t supposed to use our magic in the house, but Maya had insisted. Mom didn’t have to know.

“I don’t know why you wanted it this way, but it definitely achieves it.” Silven said, worry on his face. I could tell he was hurting because of dad’s death but he put on a brave face for my sisters and I.

“Oh, for gnomes sake, turn around already!” Spenser sighed, turning me around to the mirror.

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Black. Black as night, except for a few bright red streaks to never let me forget my mistake, as if I ever could. I would have put turquoise in it too but Spenser refused. I lifted my finger up to the uneven strands. Silven was right, I had achieved my goal. I wanted to change the way I looked. I didn’t want to be a reminder of dad. This was my first big step there.

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